Thursday, July 02, 2009

Sometimes I just needed a lil bit of attention

I feel alone walking in to class, assignment doesn't seem to bother me much because either I'm doing or I'm leading the group, I don't seem to DO my assignments together with classmates. They got their friends to do homework with. Many times in my life I wanted to continue trying in college, is it not a place suitable for me? I felt so lonesome even I'm sitting in a large group of people, they just don't seem to know I only human. I don't get invited to anything, am I hollow to all of you? I've tried my best to stay in the picture, but I don't find myself in any part of you guys life.
I can't bare eating alone everytime, but I did it because of my unbearable tummy. I don't seem to have any lunch with my course mates much, in or out. I walk pass friends which I really wanted to talk with, saying hi, what a lovely and beautiful today is. I think about stuff which is impossible at first, I did prove myself that I can do it and friends are not entirely impossible. I manage to make friends at one point and not the next day, saying that I'm a lansi person(hell no).

I fought everyday, sometimes I just can't bare it. I'll just try to skipped a class and c what happens. Whenever I hear ppl asking me "You forgot to come to class last week, Where were you? I didn't see you in class, Were you asleep, why you didn't come to class?" it will cheer me up entirely, thats how precious your lil attention brings so much joy towards me. The smile I try to hide, the exact moment where I am in no position to speak, because you have just melted my heart.

there's a lot to say but I've no idea where to start. I am very angry to the point where I feel like giving up. God, I really need you now, this very moment my life is a trash, Yes it cannot be compared with those who are homeless in the street, Yes, those who have only themself, I do not want to end up that way! What should I do in this miserable world that you put me in? Is there really heaven up there? who will I find? who will i know? who will love me? is it JUST you? Is this a trial? I DONT REALLY KNOW! You know exactly how you've messed up my life, I was taking my first step in relationship when You came and took it away, I choose You, are you letting me go now? I came back crying to you, believing, did I not believe enough? are you giving me time? is this the time now? Sometimes I just hate being rasional, thinking of every angle, I dun want to do that anymore! its confusing, its just another way to lie to myself!


3 comments:

Leang aka Mc_Bone said...

no worry will..
u r not alone feeling that way ..
many people feels that way too...
just keep on doing what u think u r doing is right...
live life, no regrets :D

Rebecca said...

i agree with Leang :D n dun worry ~ u still have ur friends around who who's cares about u na ~ i'm almost always free for u except when i'm in class :P beep my hp if u wanna blurt anything or everything :) take care ~ xoxo ~

WillaZz said...

thanks you two :)
it means much to me :)